I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!

Today's title is a quote from God of Carnage, which I saw over the weekend. I have to say, I did not expect Annie Potts to throw up all over the stage. I think my favorite part was when she had her breakdown and screamed, "HERE'S WHAT I THINK OF YOUR TULIPS!" and started destroying the set. Good times.

So I just thought of another of my favorite A:OC quotes. Barbara to Bill: "Oh, forsook you and the horse you rode in on!" I was especially angry at my sister this afternoon, and before I knew it I found myself screaming, "Oh, forsook you and your sonofabitching snow day!" There. That's so much better. Forsook you, Patti LuPone. Forsook you too, god damn it. I'm angry tonight.

I saw a college production of Little Women last night. It brought back a lot of good memories. It's been five years, and I'd forgotten how much I love the show. But I still haz a angry.

Maybe I'll talk about my updated spring docket.

American Idiot
Addams Family
Night Music
Looped
Next Fall
Next to Normal with Ripley, dammit

And maybe, just maybe, at a matinee in August, a girl wearing sunglasses and a feathered hat will slip into the mezzanine of the Hirschfeld and see if Annaleigh Ashford is a good Jeanie.

Losing My Mind

We are not going to talk about the new tribe. Except Annaleigh Ashford as Jeanie. 'Cause that's pretty epic casting.

Instead, I turn your attention to my amazing night at Joe's Pub. I haven't had so much fun in a long, long, long time. Kacie Sheik and Caissie Levy were fantastic, even if Sheik is prone to making weird faces when she sings. But I thoroughly enjoyed myself. And this negative bitch laughed. I was so excited that my hands were shaking too hard to hold a camera, so Lenora was the night's photographer. And she was wonderful at it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QcupUu40Q8
Sweet Jesus, they did I Will Never Leave You. I would say I inwardly freaked out, but I didn't. I let out a banshee's shriek of surprise and segued into hysterical, overwhelmed, underfed laughter. And I think I mumbled something like, "Holy crap...SIDE SHOW" to Lenora, but it's a fuzzy memory. All I know is I cried. Out of shock, out of nostalgia, out of joy. Joy. Overwhelming, intense, crack your face and fill your lungs with helium joy. The kind of joy that won't let you stand up or walk because your legs have turned to jelly. And it's my very, very favorite emotion.

Okay, I can't help myself. George Berger. He's my second-favorite Hair character, and he is an immature, hurtful, scruffy, sex maniac. So suck on that, Ace Young. You're on your own now, prettyboy.

Suck it, Cupid

Welcome back, suckers. (Or sucker, as I'm afraid the case may be.) So tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and I am well on my way to becoming a lonely old cat lady hiding behind velvet curtains and glaring at the young people. But that's okay. 'Cause then maybe somebody will make a documentary about me. Anywho, here's a perfectly marvelous, perfectly unique list of my favorite Broadway love songs. I know most of them don't fit the bill all that well. This beez MAH blog, dammit!

How Could I Ever Forget - Next to Normal
Donna - Hair
Losing My Mind - Follies
It Couldn't Please Me More - Cabaret
Maybe This Time - Cabaret
My Junk - Spring Awakening
Goodbye, My Love - Ragtime
You Could Drive a Person Crazy - Company
Not While I'm Around - Sweeney Todd
Mein Herr - Cabaret
Going Places - Grey Gardens
Peas in a Pod - Grey Gardens
I Will Never Leave You - SIDE SHOW

The Book What I Wrote

It's no secret that I love the theatre. But, make no mistake, friends, I am a writer first. And now apparently I am a good writer. Thanks to inkpop.com, I have mercilessly and ruthlessly been clawing my way to the top. I drag my tired self towards that contract. I read and comment on vampire books that don't interest me at all. But I am a fighter, and I am ambitious as hell. And I will make this work for me. http://www.inkpop.com/projects/17345/smashed-a-novel/

SON OF A GODDAMN BITCH!!

Three weeks ago, I had a dream that Alice Ripley was out the day I had second row Next to Normal seats. Last night, dreams came true. And I don't want to talk about it. And I don't want to talk about her understudy, who didn't do it right at all. Why are you trying to be so funny, lady? It makes me feel like you are faking mental illness because you don't want to go to work. All in all, here is my summary of the whole situation - "This is f-cked. F-ck this."

In other, happier, less infuriating news, we did make it down to the Hair stagedoor. It was cold and it was awkward, and Sheik and Levy took freaking forever to come out. When they finally did elect to grace us with their presence, Lenora took it upon herself to tell them we were coming to their show at Joe's Pub. (Okay, I kinda encouraged that. I think the poor darlings are getting a bit desperate.) I did NOT, however, tell her to tell them that it was for my birthday! But she did. Because she is Lenora. Here's the thing - above all else, I hate drawing attention to myself at stagedoors. In fact, I think I'm growing out of the whole stagedoor fad. If I buy a ticket, you owe me a performance and nothing else. Ripley. (Poor dear must have forgotten to take her invincibility pill. My poor widdle shattered heart will have to mend itself.) Christ, I've digressed terribly. Anyway, here's what went down.

Lenora: "Hi. Great show. We'll be at your Joe's Pub concert."
Sheik: "Oh, really? I was just talking about that."
Lenora (indicates me): "Yeah, it's for her birthday."
Me, in head, rummaging in bag to avoid looking up: "Christ, Lenora, don't."
Sheik: "Aww, happy birthday."

Okay, so that one wasn't that painful. It gets worse and more uncomfortable.

Lenora: "Hi, Caissie. We'll be at Joe's Pub for her birthday."
Levy: "Oh, is it your birthday?"
Me: "No, my birthday passed."
*awkward pause*
Levy: "Oh. Well, we'll celebrate then."

I wish you wouldn't. Some other winning moments of the night - Vanessa Ray suddenly running back down the line and screamed, "JAMES LAPINE!" Lenora pointed out what I already knew - the girl IS Allison Case in every imaginable way. Only she does it better. Another great (?) moment was Kacie Sheik standing in the doorway and laughing like a hyena over something nobody else seemed to find funny. And then there was Allison Guinn. She was decked out in a yellow beret and horned rim glasses and had an autoharp on her back. God help us, Berri said something that made her laugh. She sounds like this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ot6ZIzaXtg Oddly enough, I don't think I ever expected her to sound any other way.

Saw Jersey Boys on Friday. "Shall we their fond pageant see? Lord, what foolks these mortals be!"

On the Docket

Welcome back, suckers. It's that time of year again, the time I set up my schedule for the rest of the theatrical season. So far this year I've already hit Ragtime and Night Music, and I've got Jersey Boys, Next to Normal, and God of Carnage lined up. But I'm also thinking:

American Idiot
The Addams Family
Next Fall
Fela!
Time Stands Still
possibly another go at Night Music, after Tony noms come out

And, of course, the folks at Broadwayworld are already talking Tonys. I've got a few ideas forming, but, of course, too early to tell. But I think:

Best Musical:
American Idiot
The Addams Family - possible winner
Fela!
?

Best Revival of a Musical:
Night Music
La Cage
Ragtime
Finian's Rainbow

Best Actress in a Musical:
Catherine Zeta Jones
Christiane Noll - should get it, but it'll be CZJ
?
?

Best Supporting Actress in a Musical:
Angela Lansbury - gonna get it, cause you can't be Angela Lansbury and not win a Tony
?
?
Leigh Ann Larkin really should get nominated. Hell, here I go - aside from Lansbury, she's the best thing about Night Music.

So you can all just...I don't know...sit there and read all the crap I spew. Love and all that stuff to ya.

Back to Before

I just stumbled upon my first-ever Broadway ticket. It's from the days when ticket-takers actually ripped the tickets instead of just scanning them. Jesus, who remembers back that far? It's from the 2 pm performance of Beauty and the Beast on December 1, 1996. Fifth row at the Palace. I remember that I hated it and was terrified by the loud noises. I remember every single show I've seen since then. The best was Ragtime or August: Osage County. The worst? Shrek. Definitely Shrek.