Victory

Extra! Extra! Hey, look at the headline! Historical news is being made. Preeeeeeesenting, in person, that six-foot-something bundle of dynamite, President-Elect Barack Obama! Sorry 'bout the random obscure vaudevillian intro, but I've been waiting all year to do that. Let me have my fun. Yessiree, on the off-chance that you're ignorant enough not to know yet, Obama has been elected. Yippo. Let me try to give you an idea of how happy I am right now. Hmmmm....ooh, I got a good one. I am so overjoyed that Obama won that I could sit through Rent, and not even boo during Seasons of Love! Okay, maybe not that. Let's not get ahead of ourselves here, folks.

But, I think we also have suffered a great loss with this election. We Americans are giving up something huge.

You may recognize the Stepford Robot pictured above as Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska. If you don't then you're a freaking idiot. But that's beside the point. Sadly, we Americans will no longer be able to make jokes about her political inexperience, annoying little accent, or all-around stupidity. I know, it's a great loss. But we all have sacrifices to make for our country, don't we? Fare thee well, Governor Palin. Your glasses and behive will not be missed, but the jokes they incited will be. Hope all goes well with London. See? See what I did there? See how clever I am? The joke there is that her daughter's name is Bristol, which is a city in England, and I like totally knew that, but instead of calling her Bristol I called her London, which, coincidentally, is another city in England! Get it? Wasn't that clever? Jeez. My superior comedic powers are lost on all of you, aren't they?

Oh, but there is one person who deserves his own personal paragraph here. You know him! There's a 70% chance you don't love him! Here he is, boys! Here he is, world!

G.W. Bush is arguably the nation's worst president. He has the lowest approval rating of all time. There are some people who will never forgive him for his misdeeds, like the crazy girl who made a Youtube video about how it was all his fault that twelve...no, wait, seven Broadway shows were closing. Yup, that was totally his fault. He woke up one morning and said, "You know what? There's an area of the country that I haven't messed up enough yet! I'm gonna set out to destroy BROADWAY and provoke some crazy girl into making a Youtube video!" By golly, that's just what he done.

Oh, well. Obama has been elected. Sarah Palin can go back to chillin' with the caribou. Rent is dead and gone. That's enough for me.