Working Girl

Had a very enjoyable day at the office. Olga from Belarus, Mr. Upper East Side and I sat around sucking Snapple and trying out our nifty new headsets. Makes me feel like I'm in 9 to 5. I had a few interesting calls. One woman said, "WELL, TELL THE CONGRESSMAN HE CAN FUCKING DROP DEAD!" She followed it up with "AND YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF, YOU DIRTY LIBERAL WHORE!" (When I told the story to my mother I left that part out.) Fun fun fun. My favorite part is calling married men. Usually the fat sour cat of a wife answers and demands to know why a young girl is calling her husband. Olga from Belarus told one lady she was calling to tell the husband she couldn't meet him at the motel. Christ Jesus. She's gonna get the both of us fired.


Still, Olga from Belarus is marvelous. I came into work today excited to debut my new haircut. The bitch upstaged me. She cut and dyed her hair into what she calls a Rihanna wedge. There was some other story there, but when she talks as fast as she was talking her accent comes back and you can't understand a word she's saying. The other day I told her I liked her purple nail polish, and she started telling me about OPI and shrekollections (?) and donkeys. Oddly enough, a few days later I was checking the Twitter of American Idiot's Aspen Vincent, who apparently paints her nails purple too. It was then that I realized that she had been trying to tell me the color was from the Shrek Collection and was called Funkey Dunkey. Oh. Well in that case, never mind. Can I just digress a second on the subject of Aspen Vincent? She's married to Tony Vincent who plays St. Jimmy, who scares the crap out of me. But her Twitter is basically a pastiche of random anecdotes, pictures of her hairless cat, and TMI updates about cramps and PMS. I appreciate your openness, Mrs. Vincent, but I don't need to know all that. Jesus Christ, I'm an ass-aching Puritan, aren't I? It's a filthy, foul group of people that works on Broadway. Said the dirty liberal whore.