The Golden Girls

I have a confession to make. I enjoyed the Guys and Dolls revival. But that's not the confession. Here's the confession: I am a Golden Girls fan. A big one. And I'm not overweight or over 40, nor do I own a cat. I just think it's hilarious. Let's get one thing straight. It is not a show for old people. It is simply a show about old people. I don't know about you guys, but I would rather watch Dorothy and Sophia talk life insurance than watch Blair and Serena argue over a guy. Dorothy, Sophia, Rose, and Blanche crack me up, no matter how old the "Rose is a dumbass" jokes get. I mean, sure they live in Miami, which Sir Stewie Griffin once referred to as "God's waiting room," but they're still the coolest broads at bingo night. I mean, come on. They had a lanai. A freaking lanai. And they unashamedly called it that. They didn't beat around the bush with frilly nicknames like "the porch" or "the backyard." It was a lanai, and they didn't give a damn who knew it. You can't top that.

The girls are like cheesy 80's songs: Everybody's got a favorite. Personally, mine is Dorothy, as played by the late, great Bea Arthur. Is it so terribly weird that I secretly want Dorothy Zbornak to be my grandma? Aside from Edie Beale, Alice Ripley, and Daisy and Violet Hilton, Bea Arthur is my freaking hero. She was bosom buddies with Angela Lansbury, and I have to say there has never been a greater team. I have to say I was moderately disappointed when Angela did not mention her in her Tony speech. But I am a huge Bea fan. She shaped a lot of my humor, actually. Every time I insult someone to their face in the hopes that they'll laugh, it is just another product of the days I spent watching Dorothy rake Rose, Blanche, and Sophia over the coals. It really was great fun.

RIP, Bea. You're cooler than Miley Cyrus.

I love this Broadway Secret. To me, it kinda looks like Alice is saying, "What do you have to say about my pitch NOW, bitches!?"