The Secret Life of the American Teenager

Welcome back, suckers. Today I'd like to chat about the most hilarious show ever, The Secret Life of the American Teenager. It is the trashiest, least believable, yet most addicting show ever. Actually, that honor goes to Gossip Girl, but I refuse to stoop to that level. It's one of those shows that ruthlessly tries to appeal to teenagers by having absolutely no plot and/or substance. The characters are cardboard cutouts, the scripts are hilariously cringe-inducing, and it's the perfect show to watch at midnight when the insomnia kicks in. And yet, I love this show. It's my second-favorite, after Family Guy. (Of course, Family Guy actually TRIES to be funny.) This poor show is like a car wreck. You don't want to look, but you don't have a choice. I, of course, am just pleased as punch that the show's second season premieres tomorrow night. Coincidentally, it's the night before my birthday. Isn't that just perfectly marvelous? I think I lucked out more than George Bush did in the 2004 election. You may be asking yourselves just WHY I subject myself to this mindless drivel. Well, here they are, boys! Here they are, world!

Here's Allen Evangelista on the left, and Amy Rider on the right. They are universally known as "The Chinese People." They're pretty much secondary characters. I'm not even sure they have real names. But they are hilarious, and the reasons I tuned in every week. Granted, they were only in the like ten minutes per episode, but once you get past the opening credits you're hooked. Blast you, evil corporate producers, with yer fancy-schmancy Hollywood marketing skills!

On a side note, if you're ever feeling stupid, take a look at this video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nda_OSWeyn8 I promise your will immediately feel leagues better. Nothing like a bunch of crazy Alabama hicks thinking they have a leprechaun in your town to make you feel like a bona fide Einstein. My personal favorite part of the video is when they guy screams, "EV'REHBUDDEH DAT SEES DA LEPRECHAUN SAY YEEEEAAAAHHHHH!" Oh, and don't forget to check out the "Amateur Sketch." It looks like it was drawn by Napoleon Dynamite. (And no, I am not one of the brainless frat boys who found that movie hilarious.) Why yes, I DO have an undeserved sense of superiority. Thanks so much for noticing.

Before I wrap it up, I have to pay my respects to the Broadway shows that are breathing their last today. It's been fun. Most of the time. So fare thee well to

Hairspray

Grease

Young Frankenstein

Boeing-Boeing

Dividing the Estate

Slava's Snow Show (Though that shouldn't have ever even made it.)

Liza's at the Palace
13

White Christmas

Next week's casualties are Gypsy and Spamalot, and then Spring Awakening on the 18. In all this carnage, I'm kinda glad Spring Awakening got a day to itself. Better that than go down in a blaze of glory with the rest of Broadway.