A Very Great Lady

Due to some technical difficulties, I haven't been able to blog lately. I'm glad my laptop has finally decided to cooperate.As you all probably know by now, Natasha Richardson passed away on Wednesday. Coincidentally, that was the day Lenora and I went to see Guys and Dolls, which does not deserve all the negative reviews. That, however, is beside the point. The sad reality is that she is gone and she will be missed tremendously. Above is a picture of Natasha during her days as Sally Bowles (my absolute favorite musical theatre character) in the Roundabout's revival of Cabaret. It was a brilliant performance in a brilliant show. Below is a picture of her when she played Blanche DuBois (another one of my favorites) in the Roundabout's revival of A Streetcar Named Desire. It was a brilliant performance in a not-so-brilliant show.Earlier this year, I had the opportunity to see her play Desiree in a concert version of A Little Night Music. Instead, I saw August: Osage County. Let it never be said that I regret seeing August, but I do regret missing what was to be her final appearance on the New York stage. This is one shining star that left us far too soon. So I'm dedicating this post to the memory of a wonderful actress, and as Rhett Butler would say, "a very great lady."

And now for some pure, unnecessary ugliness. Sorry I couldn't make the pamphlet bigger. Actually, I 'm not sorry at all. The Westboro Baptist Church has decided to disrespect Ms. Richardson and her family and make utter fools of themselves by showing up at her funeral to picket. This flier would be hilarious if it weren't so utterly disgusting. My personal favorite part is "Thank God for the bunny slope of cursed Quebec, Canada!" Oh, beware the bunny slope, friends! Unspeakable horrors await ye there! I don't know about you guys, but I was not aware that God appointed the bunny slope to ensnare the simple sluts of doomed America. Now, I haven't read the Bible cover-to-cover, so I'm sure you guys will take this with a grain of salt, but somehow I'm fairly certain that there is no passage that states, "God hates fags and fag enablers!" I just hauled my Bible off the top shelf and looked up Romans 1:19-32 to see if it says that. And guess what, folks. It DOESN'T. Notice that it says that this will be an "educational religious picket." Oh, okay. That's different. For a second there I thought it would just be a congregation of loonies screaming about how incredibly screwed we all are. Where do these people get the nerve to say "NATASHA RICHARDSON IS IN HELL!"? So much for peace and love to everyone. Apparently, her greatest sin was supporting AIDS research. How DARE she?! Doesn't she know that AIDS is God's way of cleansing America of the "feces-eating fag beasts?" I have some bad news, friends. Last September I attended the flea market for BC/EFA, which raises money for AIDS research. I guess that seals it. I'm doomed. Do you think they have wireless internet connection in hell? Maybe I can blog and tell you guys what it's like. (Personally, I firmly believe that hell is a never-ending production of Rent. With Idina Menzel as Maureen. Oh, yes. I went there.) Anyway, people like Fred Phelps and his inbred congregation make me ashamed to be a Christian. I can assure you, we're not all like that. No Christian I know has ever shown up at the funeral of soldier killed in battle and praised God for killing him. No Christian I know thinks Virginia Tech was a blessing. No Christian I know runs a website called http://www.godhatesfags.com/. Well, Bible-thumping Nazis aside, I hope Ms. Richardson will rest in peace, and my heart goes out to her family during this difficult time.

On a trivial and unrelated note, an amusing little anecdote I heard last night. Peter Griffin: "Jeez, if you wanna do a bad show, why didn't we just do Rent?" I knew there was a reason I loved Family Guy so much. Just more evidence that Seth MacFarlane is the greatest stroke of genius since Stephen Sondheim.

Not Okay

I have several major issues to discuss with you folks today. First, I am ashamed to admit that I may possibly be a Katy Perry fan. Hot N Cold is a moderately catchy song. Second, I'd like to share this picture Lenora sent me.

It's an original flyer for a side show that featured Daisy and Violet Hilton, and it is glorious glorious glorious and creepy creepy creepy. That's Violet on the left, and Daisy on the right. This picture may give me nightmares, but it's a real gem. Look how grossly they were exploited. This was probably from around the time when they worked in San Antonio, when they were still young.

Third issue. Yesterday, I fell off the wagon and had two bottles of blue Powerade. God is disappointed. God has decided to smite me by casting Phylicia Rashad as Violet Weston.

Little Women

Welcome back, suckers. Notice the date. It is a red-letter date. If I knew how to change the color of the post titles I would make today's red, to highlight the fact that today is a red-letter date. Today is, in fact, the four-year-anniversary of my first encounter with the show that was, up until a year and a half ago, my favorite: Little Women. Even though it's been a while, this one's still pretty close to my heart. Four years ago tonight, on Friday, March 4, 2005, I sat in the first seat of the right section of the first row of the mezzanine at the wonderfully orange Virgina Theatre, which is now called the August Wilson. It was my first show in nine years. I can honestly say, with no exaggeration, that it changed my life. The show itself was really not that good, as I realized a year or so later, but it opened up the entire world of theatre to me. I saw that show five times, three times on Broadway and twice on tour. I actually saw it twice in one day, as ashamed as I am to admit that. Like most of my favorite shows, this was a no-holds-barred flop. But just because a show flops, it doesn't mean it's bad. Ragtime flopped, and that was a brilliant show. The original Sweeney Todd flopped. Grey Gardens flopped. SIDE SHOW was the third biggest flop in history. (I actually just got down on my knees under the piano and went through all my sheet music to list these shows. You're welcome.) And, inevitably, Next to Normal will flop. None of these shows were actually bad, with the exception of SIDE SHOW'S terminally weak lyrics. Anyway, I just posted today in order to pay homage to the show that sparked my interest in theatre.

With spring coming up, it's bringing a lot of important anniversaries and special days with it. I'm not gonna dedicate an individual post to every single one, so I'll just lump them together in this one:

March 4, 2005 - discovered Little Women
March 8, 2008 - discovered SIDE SHOW by accidentally downloading the entire CD
March 9, 2008 - discovered Next to Normal, hated it
March 15, 2007 - discovered Sweeney Todd
March 20, 2008 - Spring Awakening at Good Morning America
April 2, 2005 - second time seeing Little Women
April 29, 2007 - last visit to Hairspray
May 18 -2008 -third and favorite visit to Spring Awakening

The Day Off

Hello, darlings! I am sitting here watching the tree in the backyard sag under the weight of a late-winter snowstorm. It's March. It's not supposed to snow in March. Shows about Siamese twins are not supposed to do well and it's not supposed to snow in March. But this particular blizzard has garnered me a day off tomorrow. I'm wearing my excited face. I plan to spend the day reading, writing, and watching old movies. (I sat through Fired Up last night and will need some classics to dull the pain.) I'm thinking some Gypsy, Streetcar, possibly some Grey Gardens. I may get really wild and watch Hamlet 2. I am fully aware of the fact that that movie is horrible, but I love it. A movie about how insanely awry theatre productions can go. Two Spring Awakening cast members. I am genetically programmed to love this movie.

Anyway, I have found the most brilliant website. Feeling dejected? Depressed? Unloved? Discouraged? Like laughing at other people's pain? There are places for people like you. http://www.fmylife.com/ This site is the most hilarious thing I have encountered in a long, long time. My two personal favorite stories are:


"Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend my self and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house but I left my radio turned on. FML"


"Today, I typed an essay on my friend's computer, so she forwarded it to me in a email and she made the subject "here bitch" as a joke. I then went to email the essay to my teacher. I forwarded it thinking nothing of it only to realize that I didn't change the subject name. FML"

And it keeps getting better. Have fun, children. You're welcome


P.S. - I would like to point out that I have yet to take a single sip of Blue Powerade since Lent started.

Edit- A word to the wise: It has come to my attention that www.fmylife.com is HIGHLY ADDICTIVE. Do not hit the link if you don't have massive amounts of time to burn.

God, I Hope I Get It

Welcome back, suckers. Happy Mardi Gras. I am still debating over what to give up for Lent. Any suggestions? I considered giving up all things associated with one of my favorite shows, but I can't. Who would I be if I couldn't quote August:Osage County? If I couldn't stomp my feet Spring Awakening style to express my pent-up angst? If I couldn't reference random, obscure shows in my blog posts? I also thought about not seeing any Broadway shows for the entire 40 days. Usually, that wouldn't be a problem, but then I realized I'm already seeing Phantom on April 3 for Lenora's birthday. Gosh darn you, Lenora, you're standing in the way of my piety. Oh, well. I will eventually think of something I am willing to part with.

But that is not the reason I'm here. I am here in order to make a big announcement. I, Insert My Name Here, have decided to audition for my first play. I am 98.54645% sure I will attempt to duck out of said audition, but I have given Lenora strict instructions to force me to go through with it. If necessary, apply physical force. Shoot to kill if it comes to that. Of course, I am well aware of the fact that the play is student-penned and its corniness and unbearable cuteness will rival Dainty June's act. Apparently, it's about all the Disney princesses in a room together. I am trying very, very hard to keep the snarky comments to myself, but I'm basically choking on them at this point. I am also well aware of the fact that the auditions are student-conducted and fixed. Things are not looking good for me. Have I ever told you folks my motto, though? "Take the chance, because it could be your last." Usually, I am just some kind of mini-Momma Rose, standing in the shadows handing out sheet music and suggestion song choices. My one intrepid venture into the world of ushering left me haggard, harried, and wondering if seeing-eye dogs are allowed in the auditorium. (Who would ever think to make a rule for that?)

Ooh, I have just been struck with a brilliant idea! This bottle on the left is filled with my kryptonite: Blue Powerade. On average, I drink two a day. It's a sickness, a serious addiction. It also may be the reason I stay up till two a.m. More August - Violet: "See these little blue babies? They are my best f*cking friends and they never let me down! Try to get 'em away from me and I'll eat you alive!" Oh, Violet. You and your drugs. Henceforth, I am vowing not to drink a single sip of this stuff for entirety of Lent. I wonder what Powerade withdrawal symptoms are like. Will I end up passed out on the kitchen floor? Will I become extremely irritable and explode like Patti LuPone does when someone takes a picture of her? Only time will tell.

Edit: I thought I'd divulge a fun fact I learned from Lenora. Apparently, we good little Catholics are not allowed to say the word that starts with a and ends with lleluia during Lent. I never knew that, but now that I do, all I want to do is say it. I hardly ever use this word, but now I'm having trouble constructing sentences in which I do not use it. Confession: Whenever I'm home alone, I play the piano really loud and sing at the top of my lungs. Just a few minutes ago, I was singing Rose's Turn. It's a fun song to sing, but I didn't realize that one of my favorite lines feature this forbidden word. I remembered Lenora's warning as I was singing it, so the line came out something like: "Hold your hats and mumble mumble Momma's gonna show it to ya." Fun.

Also, here's a fun little anecdote to make you all feel incredibly creeped out. I was taking the very crowded bus home today, and about halfway there a creeper in an orange Tigger sweatshirt got on and moved to the back of the bus where I was sitting. I didn't pay much attention to him at first. Thirty year olds in Tigger sweatshirts are sadly pretty commonplace around here. Ten minutes later, I realized that this wacko was massaging the shoulder of some terrified thirteen-year-old who was standing infront of him. Eventually the poor girl plucked up her courage and said, "Don't touch me." This gracious gentleman replied, "What if I like touching things?" I don't know why, but that comment practically made my blood boil. It's up there on the list of Most Sickening Things I've Ever Heard. To quote Barbara Fordham: "Oh, my God! Do you believe that f*cking freak?!" Was this guy one of the twenty thousand child molesters and rapists who just got kicked off Myspace? It wouldn't surprise me. Lock your doors, folks.

Johnny, We Hardly Knew Ya

Sad news today. The Story of My Life, a show which opened literally one week ago, is closing tomorrow. It played a whopping five performances. Five. Apparently, it was actually good. Such a shame. This one will go down saying, "At least we lasted longer than Glory Days!" It's a sucky economy. Unless your show is based on a movie, stars a Hollywood actor, or starts with W and ends with icked, you aren't going to be around for very long. That's why I don't think Next to Normal will do so well. Toss in the fact that it's a show about mental illness and this one's dead in the water. Oh, well. I'm going to do my best to go see it, but I've already got a lot on the itinerary for spring - Guys and Dolls, Phantom, Blithe Spirit, West Side Story, and a return visit to August: Osage County. At least In the Heights and August are still around. Some Sondheim: "A toast to that invincible bunch/the dinosaurs surviving the crunch!" (That's a lyric from the 2006 revival of Company, another show that left us too soon.) Of course, Next to Normal could turn around and be a massive sleeper hit. People said Spring Awakening was too offbeat to make it, and look how that one ended up. To give you an idea of just how incommunicable Spring was, here's a little dialogue, taken verbatim from an intermission conversation my dad and I had the first time he saw the show.

Dad: "Is that kid gonna kill himself?"
Me: "Yes. He dies and one other character dies."
Dad: "One of the girls?"
Me: "Yes."
Dad: "Who, the one that gets beat?"
Me: "Yes."
Dad: "What, does she hang herself?"
Me: "No."
Dad: "Drown herself?"
Me: "NO. She dies, but she doesn't kill herself."
Dad: "Does she die having a baby?"
Me: "Close."
Dad: "Abortion?"
Me: "Yes."

I promise it didn't sound that creepy as it was actually happening. The point I'm trying to make is that sometimes the shows that seem destined to crash and burn can be successful. To quote Stanley from A Streetcar Named Desire: "That just goes to show you, Blanche, you never know what's comin'." Of course, what was comin' for Blanche was a complete spiral into insanity and a nice cushy bed in a mental institution, but you all get my drift.

Before I go: The most beautifully sad song I have ever heard: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NK9WthPoylc "At the Glen" from the short-lived, little known musical Dessa Rose. If this song does not make you cry, then you most likely do not have soul. (Then again, I cry at everything. I cried at Monsters Inc.) Ignore the odd Sims 2 animation. It was the only video I could find for this song. It's sung by Rachel York and composed by Ahrens and Flaherty. They are the ingenious duo responsible for Ragtime. I don't care what anybody says, Ragtime has the greatest musical score I have ever heard. Keep in mind that I'm a Sondheim fan. Digressing again. Anyway, this song is great for the days when you're feeling randomly depressed. Disclaimer: If you are always depressed, this song with most likely not help. In that case, you should speak to a trusted parent or teacher. You're probably gonna need some pills. Wow. I kinda can't believe I just said that. Psychopharmacology is NOT a laughing matter, children. I myself was rather offended by the line "This little piggy needs some Paxil!" in Shrek the musical. Antidepressant jokes are not okay. What's next? "This zebra needs some Zoloft?" "This lizard needs some Lexapro?" "This velociraptor needs some Valium?" Okay, I'm done.

Brilliant News

Breaking my own rule and posting twice in one day. Guess what's coming to Broadway, guys. Guess, damn it! NEXT TO NORMAL!!!! I am so excited I am practically about to jump out of my skin. I am fully cognizant of the fact that getting excited over this makes me a loser, but I'm beyond the point of caring about that. Next to Normal is coming to Broadway. Pills, electroshock therapy, and hallucinations of departed children are coming to Broadway. Alice Ripley is coming back to Broadway. Disclaimer: The fact that the show features a shirtless Aaron Tveit has absolutely positively nothing to do with why I love it. Ya hear? Nothin'. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. Nil. Nada. Admitting to the fact that I love that scene would put me on level with the fangirls who obsess over the nudity in Spring Awakening. You know who you are. But anyway. I am absolutely ecstatic that the show is coming to Broadway. Of course, the creators have basically cut every song I loved - Costco, Feeling Electric, Growing Up Unstable, etc., but it's still a great show. The Best Actress in a Musical category is filling up fast this year, and now I know who I'm backing. I'm calling it now - Sunday, June 7, 2009. The Tony Award for Best Actress in a Musical goes to Alice Ripley. I'm fully prepared for this show to be a big fat flop. Musicals about mental illness are destined to have a hard time finding an audience. But it's been done before, and with more risky topics. (A crazy barber who slits people's throats? Really?) This is one show I'll be rooting for, and just between you and me:

beats the hell out of