Okay. Sitaution Two. See that girl on the left? That's Emily Kinney, one of Spring Awakening's new chorus girls. Yes, I know in this picture she kinda has the facial expression of a serial killer right before they bring out the bloody cleaver, but I promise she's not that scary looking in real life. I met her once at a flea market in the city. I bought a prop letter from the show. Our awkward little exchange went something like this.
Me: *smiles nervously, pays for letter*
Her: "Oh, hi! Do you want me to sign that?!"
Me: "Um, okay...I guess-"
Her: "Great! It's no problem!" *snatches letter, scribbles her name*
Her: "There ya go! Signed by Emily Kinney!" *holds out letter*
*awkward silence while I wait for her to realize that it would be very much
appreciated if she could be ever so kind as to ask the two leads to sign it, too*
Her: "Oh! Oh, God, did you want the others to sign it, too?"
Me: "Um, well, if it's not too much trouble..."
Her: "No, it's fine! Hold on a sec!"
But that's beside the point. See, the thing is that Miss Emily Kinney also has a blog, and I occasionally pop in to read it. I like to think that I'm a tad funnier than she is, but that too is beside the point. So this morning I was bored, and I decided to see if she'd updated in the three months since I'd bothered to check her blog. And she HAD! Well, as you may know if you pay attention, I was an adorable little bumbly bee for Halloween this year. So as I waded through her posts, I came upon one about her Halloween. And guess what she was: A bumbly bee! What a freaking coincidence. She posted a picture, but I don't think she would appreciate it if I posted it here, since I don't, you know, actually know her. I can, however, assure you that the costume looked better on me.
So there you have it. We're living in a world that is so incredibly screwed that second-graders are forced to watch shows in which puppets drown, fall down the stairs, and get run over by tractors and I end up with the same Halloween costume as a semi-talented chorus girl. I'd like to write more, but the DVD is almost up to the part where Liza dons her purple dress and signs Cabaret, so for now I bid you all adieu.
Yeah, it's a freaking huge picture, but I want you all to notice the details. Yes, that is, in fact, Robert Pattinson. Yes, the girl that is clinging to him like a drunken little monkey is, in fact, Kristen Stewart. If you don't know (and lucky you), they are the stars of the Twilight movie, and, trust me, they're not the most talented things. I cannot tell you how much this picture makes me laugh. (However, it's like a kind of evil, crazed laugh, like the kind you hear from Mrs. Lovett right before she bakes you into a meat pie.) They are, obviously, under the influence of some kind of illegal substance. I'd say coke, though the lab results haven't come back yet. Oh, dear. KStew looks like she belongs in some bar in South Jersey wearing a blonde wig and singing a slurred reprise of Let Me Entertain You, then whining to the bar tender about her stage mother and eighty-four year old stepfather with a drinking problem. And RPattz. Oh, my poor, bewildered RPattz. He looks quite like one of the war-weary crackheads who used to discuss politics on my morning bus.
Well, I must say that of all the crappy posts I've penned so far, this one is by far my favorite. I haven't had this much fun since Rent closed. I hope you guys enjoyed this one. I'm sure it was filled with lots of eye rolling, maybe a few tiny laughs, and many, many, many moments of, "What the hell is she talking about?"