Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Life's Little Joys

"Ladies and gentlemen, step right up. Right this way. There is no wait. We don't waste your tiiiiiiiiimmmmmeeeee!" Oh, how I wish I had gotten a chance to see Side Show live. Notice how I said "live." Never, ever underestimate the power of Youtube, children. Anyway, before we continue I find it necessary to point out that it has recently come to my attention that there is a mouse living in my basement. His name is Stanley Kowalski, middle name Sarah Palin. He is my best friend. Just felt like that had to be said.

Well, shall we press on? So! In order to further enhance the image that I am not a completely miserable person, and also to distract myself from the twisted, pale pink tale of rape, suicide, revenge, and extramarital affairs that is currently playing out before me on Lifetime, I have decided to dish about some of my most favoritest things in the whole entire world. Have I done this already? I don't remember. I'm having a blonde moment, kind of like this afternoon when I looked in a mirror and thought, "Wow, that girl looks just like me."

Let's start off with one of my favorite Youtube videos. The first time I saw it, I actually laughed so hard that I fell off my bed. That hasn't happened since the legendary I Want My Change video of 2006. Good times. Good times. So anyway, here it is. Ode to Joy, sung by the character with the skinniest head in television history. Disclaimer: By watching this video you are willingly subjecting yourself to at least a week of going around singing, "Mee mee mee mee mee mee mee mee mee mee mee mee meeeeeeeee mee meee..."

Now, on to the sadistic baby upon which I hinge my entire existence. Presenting, in person, that two-foot-one bundle of dynamite, STEWIE GRIFFIN! This baby is my hero. He is everything I wish I could be. If any of us were as brilliant as Sir Stewie, or if any of us had his inexplicable British accent, the world would be an indisputably perfect place. Except Rent would still exist. Oh, well. I'll take what I can get. Ahh, Stewie. What can I say except AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA?! Wow, that sounded so obnoxious that I wanted to punch myself in the face. But I didn't. 'Cause I like me. I like me more than I like most other people in the world. Except Stewie. Who can forget what he immortally uttered in my all-time favorite Family Guy episode? "Buon appetit, douchebag!" That has become my personal catchphrase. That and, "Oh, GOD help you if there are pickles!" FYI, that was his second-greatest line. My third personal catchphrase is, "The world is round. Get over it." That, however, is not from Family Guy.
Life's third Little Joy is Spring Awakening. In the days since the closing announcement I have taken to calling it My Poor Doomed Spring Awakening, or sometimes The Most Underrated Show in Broadway History. Except it's not. That honor goes to SIDE SHOW. So I think maybe I have to find something else to call it. But trust me, folks. I have never had more fun than I did the night I stood at that stage door until after midnight, with all the other freako fangirls. Unlike them, however, I did not ask any of the actors to hug me/kiss me/give me their phone number/let me pet their dog. There's a fine line between devotee and stalker, children. That was also the night of the legendary Pretzels Out the Window episode. That timeless, defining moment in Spring history has been called "stupid," "childish," and "a little much." The people who call it that are just jealous that they didn't catch any of the Rold Gold. Plus they're all adopted. So there.
This next one isn't exactly something concrete or definitive, but I must say that since McCain lost the election, it's been great fun watching the Republicans throw Sarah Palin under the bus. The woman didn't know Africa was a continent. That is totally the reason why Old Man McSame lost the election. Yup, that's gotta be it. Come on, people. It is not ALL her fault. Granted, most of it is. But still, come on. (HOWEVER, no matter what I said in this paragraph, let it never, never, never, EVER be said that I am a Sarah Palin fan.)
Well, friends, I am venturing back to the movie theatre once again. This time I will be sitting through Twilight. I kinda want to go, but fangirls scare me. Keep in mind that these are the girls that have been asking Robert Pattinson to bite them. What the hell is that? He could have rabies!!! Oh, well. I've had my share of fangirls. I did make it through Wicked, after all. Maybe this won't be so bad. But, just to be on the safe side, if I don't make it out, I love you all. Except you there. And you. And you, guy sitting there listening to the Rent CD. God never intended for Rent to happen, kinda like he never meant for Cats to happen. If I have taught you people anything, let it be that.

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