Monday, June 1, 2009

My Conviction

I done a bad thing, folks. We're not talking about the time I threw a pitcher of milk at my elderly aunt, though that actually did happen in my younger and more vulnerable years. Touch the cream puffs again, bitch. I dare you. Anyway, back to my great sin. In my last post, I had the absolute unmitigated gall to call the current production of West Side Story mediocre. Of course, Lenora wasted no time in berating me for this incredible crime against humanity. Trust me, folks. She pulls no punches when it comes to unrealistic musicals about Latinos living in the inner city. (Surprisingly, there are more than one.) I was accused of calling it "my most hated play of the year." Oh, dear. I obviously have not told you guys about American Buffalo. I was also flamed for hating Matt Cavenaugh. Now, look here, folks...actually, nevermind. But here's the thing. I see Lenora almost every day, and she seems to have it in for me now. Which is why I have invested in one of these bad boys. Of course, footing the bill for this sucker means I'm not going to eat for the rest of my life.

Anyway, Happy Tony Week, everyone! It's the second most holy week of the year. It's true. I checked. I'm so excited I could just asplode. I'm also nurturing this fanciful dream that Next to Normal will take Best Musical. Never gonna happen. That said, these are my picks for the winners' circle:

Best Musical:
Billy Elliot

Best Play:
God of Carnage

Best Revival of a Musical:

Best Revival of a Play:
The Norman Conquests

Best Leading Actor in a Musical:
Gavin Creel - Hair

Best Supporting Actor in a Musical:
Will Swenson- Hair

Best Actress in a Musical:
Alice Ripley - Next to Normal

Best Supporting Actress in a Musical:
Karen Olivo - West Side Story

Best Director of a Musical
Diane Paulus - Hair

Best Choreography
Billy Elliot

Best Lighting Design of a Musical

Best Scenic Design of a Musical
Billy Elliot

Best Original Score
Next to Normal (If it's Billy Elliot, you'll never hear the end of it.)

I am fully prepared for a Billy Elliot sweep. However, I have but one request. Please, God, don't let it get any acting Tonys. Carole Shelley and David Bologna don't have a prayer, and if Greg Jbara got it, I might have to cut a bitch. The only ones who might actually bring home the award are the three Billys. They don't deserve it, not in my opinion. They're dancers, people. Come on. Give it to Gavin Creel, who's giving a stellar performance in Hair. J. Robert Spencer isn't exactly undeserving, either. If Brian D'Arcy James managed to win, I wouldn't be too heartbroken. I will not even credit that other loser with a mention. But, please, folks, don't give it to the Billys. So there you have it. Let the bloodlust being. P.S.IneverlikedWestSideStory.

Edit: Here's the new commercial for Hair. I happen to think it's stupid. And cheesy. Yeah, I'm talking to you, guy who thought it would be a good idea to have Case kiss the cop. At the right is my interpretation of what that moment would look like in LOLCatReality. Also, the roof? Really? No, really? (I'm using my Stewie voice. I talk like that now.) Something about this commercial brings to mind the Even Stevens episode where they start a band on the roof of the school and the young man has his head in a bird cage. Yes, I did watch Even Stevens. I also loved and continue to love Arthur. Yellow sweaters are where it's at.

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