Look at that loony mallet-wielding lady. One look at her and you just know she could gut you and bake you into a Lindzor Torte as soon as look at you. I don't care what all ye olde Rachael Ray fans say, Julia Child is great. And when was the last time you saw Rachael Ray bone a duck from six feet in the air? Never, I'll venture. Big declaration coming up. Proceed with caution. I love Julia Child, and everything she stands for. She is the ultimate anti-stereotype, and she took a lot of crap for that. (While typing that sentence, I accidentally typed "crap" as "carp." Irony.) She was a real chef, ya know? The kind that wasn't afraid to plunge her hand into a pot of boiling water. I can't imagine Giada or any other of the glossy-haired Food Network vixens doing that. This old gal was one of the boys.
But the movie was just soooo long, and I happen to think that Meryl Streep, while being ridiculously talented, is also getting ridiculously played out. I'd bet any amount of money that she'll be Violet in the August: Osage County movie. And that would be fine with me, so long as Laura Linney is Barbara and Elizabeth Ashley is Mattie Fae. As for Amy Adams, I think she's bland. Blander than Karen Ziemba, which is saying something. And, I was pleasantly surprised to see another familiar face on the oversized screen in the undercrowded theatre. Kacie Sheik was in it. For a whole two seconds. She said one word. Two syllables. And then I blinked. And it was over. Really, I don't know why I even bothered to tell you that. The time it took to tell you about it was longer than she was on the screen.
So, thanks to the occasional wonders of Facebook, I recently saw some pictures of the most obnoxious, glitzy, and downright hideous sweet sixteen I have ever seen in my life. I did not go to this party. I was not invited, and I am actually proud of that. The pictures were the most fun I've had all day. I saw strippers, a sedan chair, an anorexic girl, scary wide-eyed blonde matrons, parental-approved teen drinking, slutty pictures that I assume were a result of the aforementioned drinking, and a birthday girl who honestly looked like a drag queen. I'm not trying to be mean here, folks. But I'm a people observer, and a labeler. It's a habit I have yet to kick. But I've observed and I've labeled, and here's my take on the situation: Dear Girl In Pictures, and The Parents Who Let Her Dress Like RuPaul: Happy birthday. You're an asshole. There. Now I feel better. And before I get tagged as some sick psychopath who judges books by their cover, let me tell you all that I've known the girl in question all my life. I regret nothing. Jeez. It's girls like this that make me afraid for the future of this country. Just being around them makes me feel like I'm at least successful in not ending up like them. Okay, I'm getting the feeling that I'm being too hard on them here. So I'm shutting up.
Now for something completely different: Pot. Legalize it. Now. Alright, that sounded suspicious. Let me rephrase it. I'm a Democrat, so much so that sometimes I feel ashamed to be writing with my right hand. But I am, indeed, a Democrat. (The only one in the family, actually. Thanksgiving is a time for turkey eating and health care debate. Obama's not a socialist, people. Don't go for the scare tactics.) Back to pot. Personally, I'm not a fan. I've never smoked it. I don't plan on it. Maybe I've been brainwashed just as much as everyone else. But I do know the facts, and here they are: Marijuana is less harmful than alcohol and cigarettes. http://www.mpp.org/states/alaska/news/akclu-experts-say-pot-less-harm.html See for yourself. As Seth MacFarlane says, "Everything is better with a bag of weed." That may be true, but as for me, I like to keep it straight and narrow. Just my opinion. However, that does not mean that I am going to take away other people's right to smoke. Two reasons for that: If the government could just legalize pot, and then slam it with a heavy tax, then they could be making so much more money, since everyone just does it anyway. Also, legalizing it would get rid of all the back-alley deals that are so dangerous, and it would also cut down on the use of heavy, dangerous drugs. Dealers are in it for the money, first they give you the pot, then they give you the hard stuff. That's why so many people say marijuana is a gateway drug. And, of course, since when is it the government's business what consenting adults do in the privacy of their own home? While they're at it, they might as well make being gay illegal, and and then abolish abortions. Free speech and freedom of choice for all, and for God's sake, a woman has the right to decide what she wants to do with her own body.