Welcome back, suckers. I'll have you folks know that I have just seen my father poke a hole in the inch-thick lid of a 50-pound trunk, string rope through it, and drag it around the living room. He used a freaking toothpick to drill the hole. And you people wonder why I stay up so late.
Anyway, it's late, it's hot, the Kerrigan and Lowerdmilk is abundant, and the blue Powerade is flowing freely. You know what that means. It's time for...A BLOG POST! I think I need my own theme song. Before I continue, I would like you all to know that I'm watching Two Strangers, and when I toggled between the tabs, Caissie Levy looked for one shining moment like a drugged cow. It was amusing. You're welcome. So...I love quotes. I build my life around them, memorize them, chant them like some kind of ancient Hindu mantra. There are just so many wonderful ones, and whenever the situation warrants I just pluck one from my extensive repertoire and blab it out. It's kinda like the way I can take any situation and liken it to something that happened in a Family Guy episode. Only I'm not so proud of that. But I thought I'd share some of my favorites with you, my very, very tiny audience.
"Bon appetit, douchebag." - Stewie Griffin
"It's much harder to make an audience laugh than it is to make them cry." - Vivien Leigh
"You're an asshole." - Pearl the Landlord
"If God brought you to it, He will bring you through it." - anonymous
"Leastest thing that they could teach you is not to talk on what you're wholly, completely,
abysmally ignorant of." - Caroline, or Change
"Jeez, if you wanted to put on a bad show why didn't we just do Rent?" - Peter Griffin
"You can't sell me, you fat son of a bitch!" - Meg Griffin
"Deliberate cruelty is not forgivable." - Blanche DuBois
"Just goes to show ya, Blanche, ya never know what's comin'." - Stanley Kowalski
"We all gotta keep goin'. No matter what happens, we gotta keep goin'." - Eunice Hubbell
"Are you box outta your mind?" - Harold Mitchell
"You look like a lesbian." - Violet Weston
"You don't wanna break shit with me, muthaf*cka!" - Barbara Fordham
"I'm a tool." - Robert Pattinson
"Some hurts never heal, but the darkest skies will someday see the sun." - adapted from Next to
"You sound like an unbelievable douche." - Brian Griffin
"Son of a bitch, I guess I'm doing something right." - The Last Five Years
"Start by admitting from cradle to tomb, it isn't that long a stay." - Cabaret
"If you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill
"You're a lot of fun. I hope you don't die." - Edie Beale
"Every day is just another and another and another..." - Next to Normal
Confucius say thanks for reading all those quotes. Before I go, we're gonna talk Ragtime. Full casting was announced today. Two problems. Problem Number One: I've never actually heard of anyone that's been cast. That's pretty rough. I like to know what I'm getting myself into. Problem Number Two: Savannah Wise got Evelyn Nesbit, and she's from Rock of Ages. Damn. I'm not trying to be pre-judgemental, but, well, I guess I kinda am. Oh, well. Guess this means Leigh Ann Larkin got Petra in A Little Night Music, and will be over at the Kerr with Angela Lansbury and Catherine Zeta-Jones. I think Leigh Ann Larkin is great, and this is swaying me a bit. But I am still backing Ragtime 100% for that Tony.
The role that will be left open when Savannah leaves Rock of Ages will be filled by Kerry Butler. She can do better than that, but I guess the bills still have to be paid. I like to think that's the only reason Brian d'Arcy James and Sutton Foster took the embarrassing pratfall-fest that was Shrek.