So are you folks ready for the earth-shattering news of the day? Seth MacFarlane announced today that Stewie Griffin is, indeed of the homosexual persuasion. Hear that, folks? Stewie's gay! Did anyone not see this coming? Really, is there some poor bewildered soul who turned a blind eye to the signs? More importantly, does anyone actually care? So he's gay. So what? So are most Republicans. (Wow. What a pathetic attempt at being clever. Still, as Mr. Griffin himself once said, "Ooh! BUH-ZING!") Still, the facts remain: I love this freaking sadistic baby. It doesn't matter if he's gay, because he's still way cooler than this guy. This here gem comes to us courtesy of http://www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com/. J'adore that website. Ever wonder where bad pictures go to die? Yeah, well, here it is. It's all there - 80's prom pictures, painfully staged JC Penney's portraits, those adorable wedding pictures that your unfortunate-looking cousin and her overweight hubby sent you. I am not above admitting that most pictures that feature yours truly are worthy of being submitted to this site. As a matter of fact, there are a lot of things that I'm not above doing, but we don't need to discuss my moral corruption right now.
This one is my very favorite Awkward Family Photo. There are just so many bizarre elements to caption. The first and most obvious is the fact that the guy in the front row is getting choked to death. Maybe the chokee convinced the choker to go on the ride, and is now paying for the evil he has wrought. Maisie put me in a similar situation when we were in Disney. During the forty minutes we stood on line for Rockin' Roller Coaster, I must have asked her about twenty times if it went upside down. (I'm a pretty big coaster fan, but I'm a firm believer that if God wanted human beings to go upside down he would have given us flat heads.) She reassured me that it did not. Guess what. It did. Twice. Maisie claims to have heard nothing during the entire ride than, "...HATE...LIED TO ME...KILL YOU!!!" Anyway, my second-favorite part of this picture is the guy sitting next to the chokee. Clearly, the poor man is about to throw up into his hand. And it's freaking hilarious. But my favorite, my very very favorite part of this picture, is the two kids in the back row. The kid in the yellow, the one that looks like Haley Joel Osment, looks like he was snapped in that awkward, nauseating moment before you hurl your guts up. The skinny kid next to him...well, I'm not exactly sure I can tell you guys what's happening to him. But it looks painful.
I'm also pretty damn fond of this one. It's just so wonderfully creepy. When I was little I used to be afraid of Santa. Thanks for setting me back about fifteen years, folks. I don't know about you guys, but this picture really speaks to me. It says, "He sees you when you're sleeping."