So Claude likes to roam around, and for the most part I let him. That ends today. About an hour ago I heard giggling, so I looked out and saw that two little demon twelve year old girls next door had him cornered. They were calling him Kitty, poking him with a stick and trying to pull his tail. Right away I said to myself, "Okay, that's not gonna fly." I mean, those motherfuckers were breaking shit with my cat! And, goddammit, he may not like wearing collars but he is MY. CAT.
So I did what you would have done. I went Patti LuPone on their asses. I went out into the backyard and up to the fence. The altercation went like this:
Me: What are you doing?
Girls: Playing with the kitty.
Me: That's my cat and he doesn't like having his tail pulled.
Girls: Yes, he does.
Me: Can I come to your house and poke you with a stick?
(Claude takes the opportunity to run out of there like a bat out of hell.)
Girls: Aww, he ran away.
Me: Yeah, cause you were bothering him. Don't do it again.
Girls: What's his name?
Me: You wanna know his name?
Me: Too bad.
And that was the end of it. I considered letting Claude teach them the lesson himself by scratching them, but I opted out of having two little bitches screaming that I let my cat hurt them.