THINK OF YOUR POOR MOTHERS!

Hello, darlings. I done a bad thing. This afternoon, with my editing done for the day and nothing left to do but laze around, I succumbed to the horrors of Jersey Shore. I have honestly never seen such a conglomeration of ignorance, arrogance, and silicone. Without a doubt, these are people to be pitied. The show is basically a lopsided mishmash of self-tanned, highly sexualized guidos. Urbandictionary.com defines a guido as "An adolescent or young-adult American male of Italian ancestry or descent; esp. one of lower-middle-class socioeconomic background or status and thought of as being dim-witted, excessively aggressive, and prejudiced against perceived outsiders, particularly homosexuals and members of other races." Okay, folks. That's being nice.

Here we have Jwoww. I don't know her real name, and if I did I wouldn't post it. There's no need to further embarrass her family. As you may be able to tell from this picture, the lady is an all-around class act. She doesn't say much, because, let's face it. When you look like that, anything you say is largely inconsequential. When she does talk, her monologues are peppered with four-letter words and the vocabulary of a Washington Square hooker. Oh, Jwoww. Your mother must be so proud.

But my favorite, my very favorite, is there here fella. His name's Ronnie, and he is basically a walking steroid advert. I think Jwoww is his girlfriend, but that falls in the realm of Things I Don't Really Care About. Oh, Ronnie. How sweet thy diction and how incredibly subtle thy actions. A conversation with Ronald here goes something like this.

Person A: "Hey, bro."

Ronnie: "WHAT THE F*%@$ MAN? WHY YOU F%&*@#$ MY GIRL?"

Person B: "Hey, man, calm down. Be cool, bro. Be cool."

Ronnie: "I WILL CRUSH YOUR F%$#@^ SKULL INTO JELLY!"

Scintillating. Come up and see me sometime, Ronnie. I'll teach you how to speak without using the word "youse."